aka 'The Centre Spread'
Sorry folks, I'm a little pissed off at the moment. You see, I've just found out that our beloved Prime Minister and his government are planning to ban baby hunting. In case you haven't worked it out yet, I'm a baby hunter.
Yes that's right, every weekend I get together with some friends in the country and hunt babies. With hounds.
Yeah, I know what you're thinking.. You probably think it's 'cruel', don't you? Well here's a few facts you may not be aware of...
Babies may look cute, but when they're left to run wild in rural areas, they become rabid killers! Take a look at the following picture:
That's why we must control their numbers. A lot people agree with me, but disagree with the way we hunt them. Okay, perhaps it is unacceptable to let a pack of hounds loose on a baby, but it's fun, and at the end of the day, isn't that what's important?
And remember this, if we banned baby hunting, a lot of people would lose their jobs. Is that what we want? No, of course not.
Banning baby hunting is not only bad for the people who live in the countryside, it's also bad for the enviroment as a whole. One scientist has predicted that if we ban baby hunting, the countryside will collapse under the weight of it's own cheese! If you don't believe me, take a look at this graph:
So please, support my right to hunt babies. With hounds. If the government gets away with this, who knows what they'll ban next?