Thursday, April 4th 2002
Today, Mr. Artois' body was moved from his shabby backyard..
..To a nearby cowshed, where local farmers gathered to hurl abuse at the coffin. The reason for the abuse centres around allegations made by several farmers who claim Mr. Artois regularly 'interfered' with their cows.
David Artois' body will now embark on a nationwide tour, allowing people from all over the country to pay their disrespect, before finally being laid to rest on Tuesday.
Reaction to his death has literally trickled in to our offices. Find out what people really think of David Artois in tomorrow's edition of The Daily Gob.