Thursday, April 4th 2002
Today, the country came to a near standstill as millions of people paid their final respects to a wonderful person.
In other news, David Artois is finally pushing up the daisies. The funeral itself was a complete farce. The van carrying Mr. Artois' body broke down a few miles from the graveyard, so he was instead burried in a nearby field.
So that's it then. It's over. I mean, he couldn't possibly return from the grave...
...Could he?