No, hate's too strong a word. Let's just say I'm not keen on them. I'm allergic to fish you see. I can't eat so much as a mouthful. Not unless I want to die.
But that's not the reason I dislike fish. After all, my allergic reaction is not the fault of the poor fishies. No. I'm the one with the problem. We just have to make sure that we avoid each other. And in that respect, I cannot commend the fish highly enough. They do a wonderful job of avoiding me.
So why don't I like fish? I just can't stand the taste. Yuck.
But how do I know what a fish tastes like when the act of tasting one would render me in a state of absolute stonecold deadness?
Well, for one to realise that one is allergic to something, one has to actually touch/taste/smell the thing that one is allergic to. How else is one to realise that one is allergic to something? Erm..
In other words, I didn't realise I was allergic to fish until I tasted one and nearly died. Yes, I nearly died, but thankfully luck was on my side, and I'm here to tell the tale. That was my warning... Stay away from fish!
And I did.
Except for the time I tried to commit suicide. You see, things weren't going well in my life, and as a result I was deeply unhappy.. Anyway, to cut a long story short, I tried to kill myself by swallowing a mouthful of fish.
I was eager to accomplish the task, so I took a huge mouthful and swallowed. It was too much, and I started to choke. Ok, this wasn't my intended method of suicide, but as long as it got the job done, I wasn't bothered.
Unfortunately, a fellow diner noticed my 'predicament'. He leapt from his chair, grabbed me forcibly and applied the Heimlich manoeuvre. The fish shot across the room and landed on his plate.
Not wanting to seem ungrateful, I thanked him for saving my life and paid for his dinner which I had ruined. The embarrassment had taught me a valuable lesson..
Never try to commit suicide in a public restaurant.
The ironic thing is, I'm writing here today because of a fish.
You see, I now own this site. I bought it from a group of hackers in an online auction. I know the previous owner probably isn't very happy with me right now, but the fact of the matter is, I outbid him. And as everybody knows, you can't beat market forces.
So what did I bid? A large frozen trout. Where did I get it? I'll tell you next time.
By the way, the name's Paul Phillips.