Remember the man who sells the Big Issue outside my workplace? Well, I've seen rather a lot of him recently.
You see, he also sells his magazines outside my local pub... And outside the local newsagents. And outside the supermarket. In fact, he seems to sell his silly little magazines wherever I happen to be at the time.
It's now 10pm. It's Sunday. Who do you suppose is standing in front of my house right now with an armful of Big Issues? Yes.
Well I've had enough! I'm going to march out there right now and confront him. That's right, no more Mr. Nice Guy!
I'll be back shortly...
Okay, I'm back. It turns out his name is David Artois. This used to be his diary. Apparently, he's been following me ever since I bought the site from that group of hackers. He seems pretty distraught about the whole thing.
He's in the kitchen as I type this. Well, I couldn't just leave him standing out there in the cold, could I? Poor man.
I haven't told him yet, but I'm going to give him his diary back. It seems to mean an awful lot to him, and when you think about it, I did obtain it in a slightly underhanded manner. I'll let him have that bloody great fish while I'm at it.
I've also decided to make a few changes in my life. I'm going to leave my wife (wherever she is) and quit my job. I'm sick to death of poxy paperclips!
For years now I've let people walk all over me. Well no more! From this day forward, nobody will tell me what to do. I will live my life the way I want to.
I will do whatever I like! I will be whoever I want!.. And I will be proud to say 'Yes! I am a transvestite!'
Ahem.
Oh wait, here comes David..
