Hello. I'm not alleged rapist John Leslie. Today I'll be talking to a lady whose long running career with the BBC came to an end last week because of allegations made about her private life. She is none other than the girl inside the test card. I'll get straight to the point.. Are the allegations about you true?
Well John, if you're asking me whether I drank to excess, took huge amounts of drugs and slept with male prostitutes, then I'd have to say yes. I did all that and more. But you have to understand the pressure I was under working with the BBC.
Hmm. I would just like to point out once again that I am not John Leslie. So what kind of pressure were you under exactly?
It was terrible. I'd have to sit for hours on end inside that tiny little test card. Not only was it cramped, it was also dirty. You see, nobody would bother to clean it. And of course, I wasn't allowed to move at all. I had to sit perfectly still for hours. Do you know what that's like John?
Ahem. My name isn't John. You've been working for the BBC for over thirty years, and yet you still have the body of a young girl. Why is that?
As I said, I wasn't allowed to move at all. That included growing up. They wouldn't let me age! Is it any wonder I turned to drink and drugs!
Shocking. So what now? What does the future hold for you?
Well John, I've actually landed my dream job. So you could say this whole thing has been a blessing in disguise, and you seem to be an expect when it comes to disguises.
I don't know what you're talking about. Will you sleep with me?
God no!
Bitch! You are so lucky we're not alone right now.
